The BEST way to get your ex back!

Question: My ex left me 2 months ago and we were together for over 5 years. She left me and then began dating someone else almost immediately. I know that the failed relationship was my fault, I’ve realized my mistake and have changed since that realization. My ex and I have remained good friends since the breakup.

Now, she is no longer dating the other guy, they broke up about a month ago. Recently we’ve spent a lot of time together, we talked for a couple hours a few nights ago. We both have grown and matured since the breakup. I told her that I had realized a lot of things and apologized for not having my priorities straight (that’s what actually caused our relationship to end). It then came up that I miss her and I still want her back, she told me it wouldn’t be fair to me because she still has some feelings for the other guy. I still get along great with her family and extended family. There are people in both my family and hers that have hinted at wanting us to get back together. Given everything that has happened and what she is going through right now, I don’t want to push anything. I want to be there for her for anything she needs. She told me that she doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want that to affect our friendship. I just can’t seem to let her go and I love her more than anything. I cannot move on. She was the greatest thing that has ever happen to me. She is still the only person I can see spending the rest of my life with. I would wait forever to be with her again. Will she want to get back with me when she is ready for a relationship again? How long will it be before she is ready? What do I need to do?

Answer:

Ok, first let me start with a cliché’ quote I usually tell people with the same girl problem as what you have: “If you love her set her free, and if she comes back to you then you’re meant to be.”

Sounds simple enough, but it pretty much applies to your situation.

Before I begin to dissect your question point per point, I’m going to be really harsh with you so that you can get a reality check:

“Sometimes, it’s just NOT meant to be.”

No matter how much you push for it, or how much effort you put in a relationship, or how much her family loves you – if she doesn’t feel, it ain’t HAPPENING.

First of all, you said that still has some feelings for the other guy.

The obvious solution to this is of course leave her be for now.

She obviously is not over the other guy so even if you do end up together she can only give you half her heart. DO you want to spend the rest of your miserable life wondering if she’s still thinking about the other guy? Or if she really loves you?

Secondly, you also said that you still get along great with her family and extended family. That there are people in both your family and hers that have hinted at wanting the both of you to get back together.

Bottom-line? It doesn’t mean CRAP.

It doesn’t matter how much your parents lover her or how much her parents love you – the question is, does she love you? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, ultimately she’ll be with you if she’s ready to be with you.

She also told you that she doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want that to affect your friendship with her.

There’s your answer dude, it’s as clear as a day.

You also said on your question that you’re not pushing her – then what are you doing being in front of her face all the time reminding her how much you two belong with each other??

So you can’t let her go and you love her more than anything. You don’t want to and can’t move on … She was the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. …. You believe that she is still the only person you can ever see spending the rest of your life with ….

I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but what if you’re not whom she wants to spend her life with?

I know what unrequited love does to you, trust me, I’ve been there myself.

It hurts like hell, I know. You feel that you’re meant to be because no once upon a time everything seemed perfect – everything seemed so right. That’s why we usually try and hold on to someone as much as we possibly can – because we just can’t believe that lightning can strike twice, that such a phenomenon can ever happen to us again. We can’t believe that we can ever feel the same way about someone else again …

But trust me, it can HAPPEN.

Let me point something obvious: the heart is IRRATIONAL.

You can’t control how you feel. Sometimes you still stick around and hang onto the dream of being with the love of your life even though you know deep in your heart that it’s not really going to happen – that’s because all you can see is the POSITIVE side of things. All you can see is your happiness. Well what about her happiness? What if she can’t be happy with you? Are you still willing to be with her even though she doesn’t really love you with all her heart?

Let’s be real here,  there is nothing anyone can possibly say or do to convince you stay away from her because you are overwhelmed and blinded by your emotions at the moment. You’re not thinking straight.

You’ll be asking your friends and family what to do about your situation but then in the end all you’re going to follow is an answer that you want to hear. You are held captive by your heart, and the only way to break free from that seemingly “love spell” is for you to finally smash your head against a brick wall and realize that YOU HAVE TO LET HER GO.

Maybe not forever, but at least for a little bit so she can have time to process her feelings and you can have time to move on. If that’s the ending.

Nobody else can EVER sway your decision; ultimately, you’ll only ditch your ex girlfriend on your own terms. Now let’s look at your last 3 questions:

Will she want to be back with you when she is ready for a relationship again?

- Who knows? There is no possible way to tell if she’ll ever consider being with you again.

How long will it be before she is ready?

- Again, who knows. Only she would know. And if she really cares for you then she’ll let you know if she’s ready.

What do I need to do?

- In a nutshell? Give her space.
You have to give her the gift of “missing you.”

Because if you’re always around she won’t appreciate you because she knows that you’re always around anyway.

Just take your time to HEAL.

Get out there. Make yourself busy. The more you make yourself busy, the less you think about her. Sometimes it takes a while for women to process their feelings, sometimes they won’t realise how much they like you until you’re gone.

“Sometimes people have to lose you to realize how much you’re worth.”

I know that it’s a hard task to give her space, but you have to do it. Otherwise if you keep suffocating her, she’ll eventually get annoyed and you’ll lose your chance FOREVER.

Is there a chance?

Yes. But then you have to also be prepared of the fact that she only wants you as a friend now.

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