Should I stay or should I go? Plz HELP!

QUESTION: Well I have loved my ex for 2 yrs (we went out for 3 months before) – now he is a good friend of mine. He currently has a gf and he tells me everything (good and bad) about his relationship with her which hurts me to the core.

So if you were in my place …

Do you guys think I should tell him or continue getting hurt?

I can’t bear being friends with him cuz it hurts too much when he tells me about his gf and talks about others girls!

ANSWER:  To be honest, this is a catch 22 situation you’ve got here.

If you don’t tell him how you feel about him, you may never know “what if” and you could possibly be missing out on something wonderful. But then if you do tell him how you feel about him, it could actually backfire and ruin your friendship with him. Hmm …

Quite the predicament right?

Most people believe that it’s actually easier to date 20 new people than to escape the dreaded “friend zone.” Some people even perceive it as next to impossible; even James Bond himself won’t be able to find a way around it!

My personal take on this issue?

I say TELL HIM how you feel. It isn’t impossible that he could feel the same way right?

You don’t even need to go as far as confess your undying love to him. My recommendation is that you PROBE.

Ask a probing question like: “Let’s say for example, just an EXAMPLE ok? If I liked you, how would you take it? Do you think you can see me as more than a friend?”

If he asks why you’re asking such questions you can always tell him that people always see you two as a couple so you just got curious on his take on the issue. If his response is favourable then go spill your guts out, If not, then forget about it. At least in that sense you’re not really confessing how much you love him so you can still preserve the friendship.

No matter what he says, you’ll feel better in the end – trust me. I know that it can be pretty devastating to hear him say that he only sees you as a friend or at worse a sister, but then you might as well take the chance and find out. You have to find out for your own sake, otherwise its going to kill you inside because you’ll be living your life wondering “what if”. If he’s interested, then great. If not, then that just means that someone better is still coming along.

You should never PRESSURE him for an answer though.

Here’s something you need to realize, sometimes, it takes time for people to see something in a different light. Let’s say you end up telling him how you feel about him, he could initially react negatively and then suddenly even change the subject because he never saw you in that way before. But then if you leave him alone to figure things out, after a few months he could end up coming around to his senses and realizing that he actually has feelings for you too.

Sometimes, telling a man how you feel about him can make him see or think of things that has never occurred to him before, it could actually open a world of possibilities for him.

But most of the time your chances are SLIM TO NONE. That’s why it’s quite important to build attraction from the get-go.

Now if he ends up seeing you as just a friend but you still want to be with him, then the only way to break that friend zone barrier is to DISAPPEAR from his life for a while.

Give him the “gift of missing you.”

I know it’s a hard concept to grasp, but you need to forget about him for the meantime and MOVE ON with your life as you would do if you were giving up. This is a win/win situation for you anyway because if he realizes later on that he does like you then you end up winning his heart. But if not, then at least you’ve moved on already.

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